i need an iv and a liver transplant
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
