And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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