I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
