In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
