I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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