be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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