can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
