Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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