I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
