wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I woke up under a house in Key West
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
