Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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