My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I need to sanitize my soul.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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