I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
