Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
