My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
