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• (914): View more from New York

  After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.

  (1-256): View more from Alabama

  That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.

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• (845): View more from New York

  I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?

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• (432): View more from Texas

  Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me

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• (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed

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• (760): View more from California

  Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?

  (951): View more from California

  It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.

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