The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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