Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
