oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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