Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
