Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
