Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
