4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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