Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
