my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
