Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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