I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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