if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
