Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
