I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
