Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
