Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
