Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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