I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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