no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
