i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
