You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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