My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
