I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize
