While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
