We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
