Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
