I wanna passion pit in your ass
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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