I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
