The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
