NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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