Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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