At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
