I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
pop tarts are not kleenex
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
