So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
