Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I got inside last night via doggy door
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
