ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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